Easy Way or Hard Way?

Posted by Jordyne

I have a four year old niece named Ari. She has long, bright blonde hair and absolutely hates having it brushed. It’s a battle every single time. My sister has a “system” for this, which is to ask Ari if she wants to do it the easy way or the hard way. Easy way is Ari sits calmly while Jaclyn slowly brushes her hair. Hard way is Jaclyn wrangles her with one arm, and brushes out the tangles with the other. Ari usually protests at first, but as soon as Jaclyn says “Easy way or hard way?! You choose!” she eventually decides to do it the easy way. I’m not so wise. In my life, I almost always choose the hard way.

It is difficult for me to learn life lessons second-hand. I rarely learn from other people’s mistakes, or other people’s advice. I wish I did. I’m sure it would have saved me some pain. For some reason, it’s not enough for you to tell me that the fire is hot, I have to blister my finger to get the idea. I often joke that my spiritual gift is making things more difficult than they need to be.

By God’s grace, there is one lesson that I fully grasped without having to experience it first hand. The lesson is this: Marriage won’t fill the hole in your heart. Marriage will not cure your loneliness or insecurities. In some (maybe all? I wouldn’t know) cases, it magnifies them. Maybe this post will help you learn this lesson the easy way too.

A long time ago, I heard Matt Chandler tell women that the loneliness that comes from being in an unhappy marriage is far more painful than the loneliness you can feel as a single person. And even though I’ve never been married, in that moment, I knew without a doubt it was true. Years later, I still think about those words. Any time I’m tempted to believe that marriage would be better than singleness right now, I remember that there is a more trying alternative.

Proper perspective is powerful. It made me grateful that I am not in a situation where I would have to experience that kind of loneliness. It made me feel so loved and cherished and safely guarded that God has not allowed me to have that story. Does that make sense? I don’t know. It makes sense to my heart. Me and God’s relationship is like that a lot. His love is communicated to me the loudest in the midst of pain (or in this case, potential pain).

I do want to say, though,  if you are in an unhappy marriage, that does not mean that God does not love, cherish and guard you. He just does it in a different way. He’s given you a different grace than he’s given me, and he will speak his love to you in the way you will hear it best.

God's people in the Bible also seemed to choose the hard way most often. Rachel pointed out this verse to me once that just sums it up so well:

This is what the Sovereign lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it. 

-Isaiah 30:15 NLT

God very literally offered them the easy way, and they said "Nah. We're Good." So I guess I'm not the only one, but yikes! My prayer is that this one lesson I learned the easy way is the first of many. 

Do you learn the easy way or the hard way? What’s a lesson that’s stuck with you?