Being Single is Not Second Best

Posted by Jordyne:

I’ve thought a lot about how to dive in to this. My head has been swarming with the various things I look forward to sharing here in the coming months. Rachel began by sharing the how and why she came to being a part of this blog, so I’ll do the same.

I chose to be a part of this blog because I’ve never turned down an invitation to do something exciting with these three women..with the exception of the great TP caper of 2009...but that’s a story for another time. I also wanted to be a part of this blog because though I’ve read some good things about singleness, none of it quite captured my specific viewpoint on the matter. Most of what I’ve read or listened to tends to focus on how to make the most of your time as a single person while you’re waiting, or how to embrace your singleness even if it’s not where you want to be. I haven’t really come across anyone who’s written about how they love being single...unless they are writing about it as the conclusion that they’ve come to after a long time of wrestling with their unhappiness as a single person.

I think an underlying factor that has made the 4 of us close is that none of us view our singleness as a prison sentence and none of us (thank you, Jesus) have gone “husband hunting.” So here’s my perspective: Being single isn’t something I’ve really struggled with. 

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I think marriage is a terrible idea (though I’ve thought that in the past) or that I don’t see the appeal (I do). And I’m also not saying that I never have the longing to get married. It’s just never been my biggest desire, or even my 2nd. The desire to be married will show up in my life from time to time, mostly when other people are talking about it, but it usually never stays longer than a couple of weeks. I think the longest stretch was maybe a couple of months.

I love being single.

At one point, I was so convinced that I wanted to be single my whole life that I seriously considered taking a vow of celibacy. I came across a description of a commitment of celibacy in a Common Prayer book and was so moved at the beauty of it that for weeks I dreamed about my “commitment day” like most girls dream about their wedding day. In the end, I decided against it because I wasn’t certain if God was calling me to be single my whole life, or just a good chunk of it. And there was really no need since nothing would change in my life afterward except for that it would have drawn a lot of awkward attention to myself. (Can you imagine sending out those invitations? Ha!) The place where I’ve currently landed is that I’m going to continue living life exactly as I am. I’m not looking to get married, but I won’t completely rule it out either. As with all things that God gives us in life, I hold it all open-handed. God has given me a really sweet gig in my singleness. But if he should choose to take that away and replace it with a different kind of gift, then I’m up for something new. Well meaning people say things like, “But, you’re alone! Doesn’t that bother you?” 

Here’s the thing about that: I’ve never been alone. God has extravagantly blessed me with a community of friends and family filled with love and purpose. Take the four of us, for example. I am constantly baffled by the rich, fulfilling friendship that Sarah and Rachel and Laura and I have. We get to live on mission together and are closer than even some married couples I know, even though it’s been nearly 5 years since we have all lived in the same city (5, right guys?). We often joke that God sent us to different places because the world couldn’t handle that much concentrated awesomeness in one location. (We think we’re hilarious.)

Anyways, that’s the how and why I came to be a part of this blog. I’m looking forward to seeing what comes of it.

The First Entry

The first entry of any blog is about introducing who we are.  Well, that's all fine and good, but sometimes that can be challenging as there are so many dynamics to consider, so by way of introduction I will tell you a little bit about how this blog came into being.  Laura and I have for many years now have wanted to write something about what its like to live a fulfilling single christian life in the modern world.  We have been praying and talking about it and then life gets full and we have had to lay that desire aside many times over.  In recent months as I have been praying over what to do I thought of a blog and the Lord in His infinite wisdom knew I would need help and community for this project to succeed and thus "The Single Lie" was born.

There are 4 of us.  All of us have been single most of our 20's and as each of  us are closer to 30 than 20 these days, I figure its good time to discuss some issues.  We all are unique and have different perspectives.  Each of us has something to say about this journey called life.  So we are going to speak.  Each of us has varying issues that are on our hearts that we want to speak out about including life, love, church, friendship, family and so much more.  Anything is fair game because our life's are not our own, we speak truth so that Jesus Christ's name may be proclaimed in truth and abundantly.  Making disciples of all nations is truly each of our hearts utmost desires.

Just one more thing to start us off.  We are 4 in community, but we are individuals.  As each of our stories unfold you will learn that we each have walked varying difficult and joyous roads.  You will see our deep friendship is the result of walking together through the valleys, mountain tops and plateaus of life.  We ask you to enter into that and ask questions and share your thoughts.  One thing I have learned over the last 10 years is that what we have is unique.  Figuratively, "divorce" is not an option for us, we are in these friendships for the long haul no matter what.  That being said we ask you to become our friend as well.  The beauty of community is that there is always space and even when you don't think there is more space God gives you more.  Come enter into our world.  We want to meet you and hear how Jesus has shaped your story as well.