How to Hang Out by Yourself

Posted By Jordyne

I've been watching a lot of TED Talks lately. An interesting one was suggested to me on my YouTube page, and then from there, it gave me a recommendation for another related TED Talk and it all went downhill from there. I've watched exactly 48 TED Talks in the past 4 weeks. I wish I was exaggerating. One of these talks was about overcoming fear. The speaker suggested doing things on purpose that put you out of your comfort zone, like singing audibly while grocery shopping. One of her other suggestions was to go out to eat at a restaurant by yourself. It kind of caught me off guard. This is something I do probably once every 2 months or so (do coffee shops count? If so, it's more like 3-4 times a month...but I feel like it's pretty common to go to a coffee shop by yourself.) It's completely normal for me, and something that I actually enjoy quite a bit. It's something I've done pretty much since I got my driver's license in high school.

Rachel brought up Friends in her most recent post. This reminded me of another episode where Rachel (Green) discovers how much she enjoys dinner dates with herself, and refuses to cancel plans with herself. I also really enjoy going to the movies by myself. I go to the movies by myself about 3-4 times a year. One of the most awesome movie experiences I ever had was going to see Julie and Julia by myself in college. I brought my favorite blanket, got my ticket and walked in, and to my delightful surprise, I had the ENTIRE THEATER to myself! It was fantastic. I put my feet on the seats in front of me, I laughed loudly and hysterically without worry of someone shushing me, and it was a blast.

I even went to the movies by myself on Christmas this year. After spending the morning with family, and having some quality worship time at a friend's house, I took myself to see Unbroken. I had no idea so many people went to the movies on Christmas. It was packed! Someone told me that it was actually one of the biggest movie days of the year. Who knew?  When we were kids, my dad took us to the movies on Christmas once, but I don't remember it being packed.

You might think this sounds incredibly depressing, to hang out by yourself on Christmas, but after spending the day with lots of loved ones, I was happy to do something by myself. I paused for a minute, wondering if anyone at the movies would think it was strange that I was buying a single movie ticket on a day that was meant to be spent with family and friends. But no one stared at me, or noticed. And I even had some fun conversations with the people waiting in the massive line.

I forget that hanging out by yourself in public isn't a way of life for everyone, and that it's even downright terrifying for some.

I was thinking it might be helpful to give you all some tips for how to overcome the fear of hanging out by yourself, and even learning to enjoy it. I don't have a list of pragmatic steps you can take to get there. It really comes down to being confident and comfortable in your own skin. That's the only way you'll ever find enjoyment in being by yourself. Plus, being confident is a skill that will help you in all areas of life!

You need to be self forgetful. Forgetting about yourself and not worrying about what everyone might (read: probably isn't) thinking about you will allow you to be available for interactions with the people you cross paths with. Like the people standing in line, or your waitress, or the person sitting next to you in the movies (but not during the movie!) Self forgetfulness allows you to leave a person better than you found them, rather than expecting someone to serve you or meet your needs. I guess this is true in relationships as well, but people don't seem to do that as much when it comes to the cashier or ticket person.

Then, you have to just get out there and do it! Just jump in! I don't know who said this, but "feel the fear and do it anyway!" You're likely afraid simply because it is unknown. So, do it and then it won't be the unknown anymore. Problem solved.

After you give it a try, let me know how it goes! I'd love to hear your stories.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Posted by Laura

I hated the movie 50 First Dates. Soon after it came out on DVD, my sister and I tried to watch it, but we turned it off half an hour in because we just thought it wasn't worth the raunch. I think I saw a TV edited version years later, and I still wasn't impressed. I didn't like the whole premise of the short term memory loss thing. I thought it was cheesy, and I struggled to commit to the characters emotionally.

I spend a lot of time watching YouTube, movies, and TV shows now because of my therapy - it's one of the few things I can do while practicing standing or stretching. I was scrolling through Netflix tonight to do some epic multitasking, and I saw a title with Zachary Levi and Alexis Bledel. I petered out in season three or four of Gilmore Girls, but I did love Tangled and Chuck, so I clicked play. It didn't take me long to realize it was a less raunchy version of the 50 First Dates premise. Zachary Levi has a file next to his bed that says, "Read every morning," which recounts his brain injury that prevents him from converting short term memory into long while sleeping. I decided to stick it out because of my love for the adorable smolder.

There's a scene about halfway through the film where Zachary Levi and his sister are at the doctor's office, and the poor guy loses it in front of the doctor. He shouts that he needs the doctor to fix him because this is consuming his life; he wakes up every morning unsure of where he is or how he got there, and it's just not fair. I started tearing up - not because it's a particularly emotional movie, but because I felt an unexpected empathy for the character.

Sometimes I want to shout at a doctor to fix me. I'm broken, and it's messing up my life. I didn't choose to lose function below my waist, but that's where I'm at right now. It super complicates life. I wake up every morning unsure of my future and haunted by the last year of struggling through these crappy circumstances. I totally connect with the frustration of the character because sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and you swing hard but miss even harder. Sometimes you don't get to choose your adventure.

My life sucks on the surface - but don't stop at the surface.

Anyone who's followed my story can see that the Lord has made an amazing thing come from awful circumstances. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of crappy side effects of paralysis. However, also hear me that while I didn't choose this particular adventure, I did have lots of choices along the way that made me who I am and how I responded. When I said I was going to write a post about how we don't always choose our traumatic adventures, Rachel wisely reminded me that often times we do. We can make really stupid choices that lead us into trauma. We can also make really wonderful choices that still lead us into trauma (for example, moving to Germany to teach missionary kids and getting paralyzed in a freak accident). The real adventure is in the response. You can only control so much of what happens in your life. What kind of adventure will you choose when life throws the unexpected at you?